In class this week, we talked about "blended" families. Two adults coming together to parent children who are not biologically both of their, and becoming a family. People can definitely make it work... people have made it work. It's just a matter of knowing what to do, and truly applying that knowledge.
In a situation like this, I believe it's safe to assume that something has happened with at least one of these individuals, and that will have been difficult to deal with. That is one of the most important things to remember. Another thing to remember is that everyone involved is in a new situation. All individuals involved are trying to figure out just where they fit in the new puzzle, and there is probably no one who will be able to settle immediately and without any difficulties.
I suppose really, the most important keys to remember in such a situation are love, patience, understanding, and prayer. Even in the hard times, these people were brought together by love, and in believeing that they were making the right decision. Difficult times, stressors, challenges... they will arise, but they will pass.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Respect: Not Just for Adults
One of the greatest lessons in parenting I've ever learned was taught to me by my mom, and reinforced to me by teachers. Being a Child Development major, I've seen the importance in this lesson.
Growing up, whenever we asked my mom "why?", she would tell us. Even if this meant explaining punishments, or why something we were doing was wrong. She would catch some heat from this, by people who would tell her that she didn't need to tell us, we didn't deserve to know, and the answer could be as simply as 'Because I'm the parent, that's why". But my mom didn't see it that way.
She taught me that just because we were smaller, and younger, it didn't mean that we were any less important. We were still humans, and deserved to be treated as such. We still should have the same level of dignity, courtesy, and respect.
There are so many lessons that a parent needs to teach their child. Parenting is one big responsibility!
But things will run so much smoother with respect. Parents want to be obeyed and treated with respect, right? Children learn from their parents. The lesson of respect will get across much quicker if they are being shown respect. Because, as I've said before, children learn so much more by example than by being told.
We want our children to BE and not simply to DO. Making them obey out of fear will get them to DO, but it will never teach them to BE. And what's the point of a lesson at all, if it only changes one actions, and not the person themselves? Nothing takes root, and nothing is truly accomplished. And that's a failure.
Growing up, whenever we asked my mom "why?", she would tell us. Even if this meant explaining punishments, or why something we were doing was wrong. She would catch some heat from this, by people who would tell her that she didn't need to tell us, we didn't deserve to know, and the answer could be as simply as 'Because I'm the parent, that's why". But my mom didn't see it that way.
She taught me that just because we were smaller, and younger, it didn't mean that we were any less important. We were still humans, and deserved to be treated as such. We still should have the same level of dignity, courtesy, and respect.
There are so many lessons that a parent needs to teach their child. Parenting is one big responsibility!
But things will run so much smoother with respect. Parents want to be obeyed and treated with respect, right? Children learn from their parents. The lesson of respect will get across much quicker if they are being shown respect. Because, as I've said before, children learn so much more by example than by being told.
We want our children to BE and not simply to DO. Making them obey out of fear will get them to DO, but it will never teach them to BE. And what's the point of a lesson at all, if it only changes one actions, and not the person themselves? Nothing takes root, and nothing is truly accomplished. And that's a failure.
Keeping a Level Head While You're on Shaky Ground
I grew up with a very angry father. He would get mad at us over things both small and big. He would get mad at my mom over small and big things, and she wouldn't always just take it. When things escalated between my parents, our mom would send us to our rooms, tell us to close the doors, and she would close the hallway doors behind us. It muffled our parents voices if they stayed quiet enough, but if they began to yell, we could still hear them. Being the oldest, I would gather my brothers together, turn up the radio, and propose that we have a "dance 'till you drop" party. Once they hit a certain age, however, this little trick didn't work so well.
I don't know what my parents would fight about; I just knew it was happening. Disagreements, in and of themselves, aren't bad. They can be beneficial, and provide both parties with opportunities to learn, to grow, and to view things in a new light.
The main, most important part in this, is how you handle yourself in the situation. If you can handle arguments kindly and calmly, it would even be good for children to see their parents deal with a disagreement. Children learn more by example than by words. Caregivers have the opportunity at every turn to show their children what to become, whether good or bad, intentionally or accidentally.
I don't know what my parents would fight about; I just knew it was happening. Disagreements, in and of themselves, aren't bad. They can be beneficial, and provide both parties with opportunities to learn, to grow, and to view things in a new light.
The main, most important part in this, is how you handle yourself in the situation. If you can handle arguments kindly and calmly, it would even be good for children to see their parents deal with a disagreement. Children learn more by example than by words. Caregivers have the opportunity at every turn to show their children what to become, whether good or bad, intentionally or accidentally.
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