Love Is All You Need?

In class this week, we talked alot about love.  When really went in depth to the idea of love.  We looked at it from ALL kinds of angles.  Yeah.  That can happen.
It was really so interesting.  It was one of those classes that I really think EVERY SINGLE PERSON could benefit from. 
We talked about different types of love.  Passionate love, friendly love, love of all beings... it gave a new perspective to things.  We talked about different levels and aspects in relationships... trust, knowing, touch, etc.  These two different points, in particular, are lessons I wish everyone could use.
There are those relationships where you can't stop thinking about the other person, constantly wish you were with them... but couldn't really care whether or not they get that promotion that they're really hoping for.  There are those co-workers who happen to be at a party together, spend a lot of time alone, get a little carried away with each other... and then worry constantly about who the other one has told, about them.
I think part of the reson people get in too deep with someone they don't care about so much is because they focus on the one type of love.  It's all a matter of passion.  People are told that sex changes a relationship, but so does kissing on the first date.
I kept thinking back to my last boyfriend.  The first time we met, at the store where a friend of mine worked, I couldn't be bothered.  He was clearly interested in me, and I just didn't care to give him the time of day.  He insisted I go to his boss's retirement party that night, and since my friend was already planning to go, I went with her.  At the party, he got me hooked.  He was attentive exclusively to me, he was interested in what I had to say, he was courteous, he was fun, and I was flattered.  We went out on our first date the next night, and when he dropped me off at my front door, he kissed me.  Not just a peck-- he kissed me like no one had kissed me before.  There was a part of me that was scared, and felt angry he would make such a move without checking to see where I stood, and had no idea what to do about it, but there was also a part of me that liked it.  It felt good. 
While we were dating, we kissed more than we talked.  Our relationship wasn't a very long one, but it got serious very quickly.  When he left at the end of the summer, to move back home, I was crushed.  He promised he would be bac often, because he had family in the area.  He promised he would call every day.  He promised the distance wouldn't change things, we were still together, and things would work.  I believed every promise, but he didn't keep one of them. 
And why would he?  He was attractive, he presented himself very well, and he wanted to own a farm.  I couldn't tell you much more about him.  What could he tell you about me?  When we were no longer physically together, when the miles didn't allow us to hold hands and kiss at red lights, what was there to keep us committed to each other?
The lessons I've learned in the past week are lessons I wish I knew before this relationship.  Even if it didn't stop me from letting things escalate like they did, it would have helped me to understand why things played out like they did, and would have made the heartbreak of suddenly being neglected a lot less heartbreaking.

Mothers and Fathers

Just from the past week, the class meetings, the thinking I've done on my own outside of class, my opinion on heterosexual marriage has only been strengthened.  I believe that children need mothers and fathers.  Even more so than that, they need good ones.

Both men and women need to set a good example to their children, not only as to who they should be, but for the type of person they should seek out in a significant other. I have three younger brothers, and I think I have heard each of them, either through telling my mom face-to-face or telling me, that they know the best thing for them would be to marry a woman who is like our mother. I think that's so wonderful that they have made that type of relationship with her. I can't say the same about my dad. As far as what he's taught me in what to look for in a significant other, I now know the warning signs of a bad relationship. Because of the things that he has done throughout my life, I associate negative intent with what is probably innocent interactions between fathers and daughters.

 I cannot stress the importance nearly enough of providing a good example to your children. As a parent, you have such a great effect on the kind of person who your children will grow into, and the kind of person they will choose to be with. We need to be the best of who we truly are, and fulfill the roles we are meant to fulfill.

Communication is Key

One of our assignments for class this week was to write down 8-10 "unspoken rules" we've grown up with in our families. That's really hard to do! When you grown up with an unspoken rule, I think it becomes so engrained in you, it's not a rule, but a way of life, and you think surely that's how EVERYONE lives. There was only one rule that I was able to come up with easily, and I was only able to come up with it so easily, because it's broken by my roommates constantly!
Realizing why it was so easy to come up, I think I discovered the point of this assignment. When two people marry, they come from two different families (we're going to assume that, anyway...). Regardless of the culture, religion, socioeceonomic status, race, etc. of these two families, they have different unspoken rules. The couple coming together might never think to discuss these rules, because they just seem like the way life is. This can cause trouble, because as I know from my roommates, when you grow up with the unspoken rule that anyone awake stays quiet until everyone is awake, and your roommates didn't grow up with that same rule, you wonder what in the world is wrong with them, and want to throw your pillow at their heads.
It's important to discuss things like this with someone you're coming into such a relationship with. As that's difficult to do, it would be good of each of us to be aware that when someone doesn't meet the expectations that we never think to express, it is not out of disrespect, or inconsideration, but the simple fact that they do not know the same things we know. And we need to have enough humility to realize that we may very well be breaking one of THEIR rules.

Knowing Where You Stand

We talked about some interesting stuff in class yesterday.  I mean, we always talk about interesting stuff, but yesterday's stuck out to me, because it had to do with a topic that I think any family advocate is familiar with; population.
An argument that I think many are familiar with is that couples should limit how many children they have.  That the world is over-populated as it is, and parents that have several children are just adding to the problem. 
Apparently, as we discussed in class, if you took every nuclear family in the world, gave them each one acre to live in, we could all fit in Texas.  Hmm.  Sort of makes the whole idea of not enough space for all the people a little less powerful, doesn't it?

Making a Change

On Friday in my Family Relations class, we were talking about research, and how to discern good research from bad research.  Towards the end of the class, our teacher asked us to decide on a topic regarding families that we could research if we could. 
At first, my mind was blank.  It was the end of a long day, my last class of the week, and my brain was just done with all things scholastic.  After rolling a few mediocre ideas around in my head for a bit, my pen was on the paper ready to write one of them down, and my idea struck me: What are the long-term affects on children who have a parent who regularly views pornography?
This is definitely a question born of personal experience.  It's not experience I'm going to get into much right now (though I guess I'm not quite leaving much up to the imagination).
My teacher asked us later why a person chooses to research something, so I thought about my reasons.  To spark a change... to bring an awareness to others... to help.  Because of my own experience with this sort of thing, it's something I feel passionate about. 
I realized after the class that I felt inspired.  I want to actually do research on this.  I want to bring it to people's attention.  I want people to know what an issue this is.  I want to make people aware of the problems that this sort of thing does cause.  I need to look into what to do to make this possible.