Drawing the Line

In one of our discussion this week, we talked about boundaries.  This was definitely something relatable to me (though I promise I won't get into any gory details this time, like I did with the last post).
One of my best friends is a guy.  We've been really close for a couple of years.  We had no problem talking about deep, private things with each other.  People often thought we were at LEAST dating, with the way we interacted with each other.  It wasn't a rare thing for us to run errands together, or for us to spend time at each other's homes, late into the night, in my spa, on his sofa, cuddling, getting into tickle fights, falling asleep, etc.
However, for the past few months, he has been "courting" someone (not me).  When I realised they were exclusive, I knew we could not have the type of relationship I had become use to use having.  There were no romantic feelings or intentions between us, but I knew that different aspects of how we were around each other (the cuddling and falling asleep together on the sofa, for example) were no longer appropriate.  It was a really hard change, because I really liked what we had.  We are best friends, we love each other, we are as good as family.  I didn't want us to stop being... so us.
But I knew things had to change.  When you get into an exclusive relationship with someone, things change.  New boundaries are built.  My teacher described it as building a picket fence around the couple.  It's not a formidable fence; it's an inviting one.  People know they are welcome.  But it's a fence, all the same.  And it needs to be there.  A healthy relationship needs that little picket fence around it.  The couple is together, the couple is a unit, but others are welcome to visit.

Love Is All You Need?

In class this week, we talked alot about love.  When really went in depth to the idea of love.  We looked at it from ALL kinds of angles.  Yeah.  That can happen.
It was really so interesting.  It was one of those classes that I really think EVERY SINGLE PERSON could benefit from. 
We talked about different types of love.  Passionate love, friendly love, love of all beings... it gave a new perspective to things.  We talked about different levels and aspects in relationships... trust, knowing, touch, etc.  These two different points, in particular, are lessons I wish everyone could use.
There are those relationships where you can't stop thinking about the other person, constantly wish you were with them... but couldn't really care whether or not they get that promotion that they're really hoping for.  There are those co-workers who happen to be at a party together, spend a lot of time alone, get a little carried away with each other... and then worry constantly about who the other one has told, about them.
I think part of the reson people get in too deep with someone they don't care about so much is because they focus on the one type of love.  It's all a matter of passion.  People are told that sex changes a relationship, but so does kissing on the first date.
I kept thinking back to my last boyfriend.  The first time we met, at the store where a friend of mine worked, I couldn't be bothered.  He was clearly interested in me, and I just didn't care to give him the time of day.  He insisted I go to his boss's retirement party that night, and since my friend was already planning to go, I went with her.  At the party, he got me hooked.  He was attentive exclusively to me, he was interested in what I had to say, he was courteous, he was fun, and I was flattered.  We went out on our first date the next night, and when he dropped me off at my front door, he kissed me.  Not just a peck-- he kissed me like no one had kissed me before.  There was a part of me that was scared, and felt angry he would make such a move without checking to see where I stood, and had no idea what to do about it, but there was also a part of me that liked it.  It felt good. 
While we were dating, we kissed more than we talked.  Our relationship wasn't a very long one, but it got serious very quickly.  When he left at the end of the summer, to move back home, I was crushed.  He promised he would be bac often, because he had family in the area.  He promised he would call every day.  He promised the distance wouldn't change things, we were still together, and things would work.  I believed every promise, but he didn't keep one of them. 
And why would he?  He was attractive, he presented himself very well, and he wanted to own a farm.  I couldn't tell you much more about him.  What could he tell you about me?  When we were no longer physically together, when the miles didn't allow us to hold hands and kiss at red lights, what was there to keep us committed to each other?
The lessons I've learned in the past week are lessons I wish I knew before this relationship.  Even if it didn't stop me from letting things escalate like they did, it would have helped me to understand why things played out like they did, and would have made the heartbreak of suddenly being neglected a lot less heartbreaking.

Mothers and Fathers

Just from the past week, the class meetings, the thinking I've done on my own outside of class, my opinion on heterosexual marriage has only been strengthened.  I believe that children need mothers and fathers.  Even more so than that, they need good ones.

Both men and women need to set a good example to their children, not only as to who they should be, but for the type of person they should seek out in a significant other. I have three younger brothers, and I think I have heard each of them, either through telling my mom face-to-face or telling me, that they know the best thing for them would be to marry a woman who is like our mother. I think that's so wonderful that they have made that type of relationship with her. I can't say the same about my dad. As far as what he's taught me in what to look for in a significant other, I now know the warning signs of a bad relationship. Because of the things that he has done throughout my life, I associate negative intent with what is probably innocent interactions between fathers and daughters.

 I cannot stress the importance nearly enough of providing a good example to your children. As a parent, you have such a great effect on the kind of person who your children will grow into, and the kind of person they will choose to be with. We need to be the best of who we truly are, and fulfill the roles we are meant to fulfill.